


dude, metal is in this season

by Bluebell Barricade (FuzzyPurplePenguins)



Series: Welcome to Hawked [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bucky is a Pretty Sonuvabitch, Clint has a potty mouth, Clint owns a bar, LOL Thor, M/M, Spot the Cameos, Steve is Thoroughly Disappointed and a Dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 07:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6973249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuzzyPurplePenguins/pseuds/Bluebell%20Barricade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the age of thirty-two, Clinton Francis Barton loves four things: his purple-and-black hunting bow, Natasha 'Eats Shrapnel For Breakfast' Romanoff, pizza, and Hawked, his kickass, awesome bar.</p><p>And then he meets James Buchanan Barnes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dude, metal is in this season

**Author's Note:**

> Omigod, I finished a thing.
> 
> So, uhm. This happened because I was punch-drunk and texting my bff about my feelings and Bucky Barnes' pretty face, and then basically this flowed out over a couple of days.
> 
> I skimmed over a lot as I was pounding this out: in my mind, Bucky's been out of the service for at least a year, maybe a year and a half, and living in D.C. before he moves to New York.
> 
> Hope it's okay.
> 
> (Clint and Bucky are my favorites: of COURSE I'd eventually start shipping them)

  
At the age of thirty-two, Clinton Francis Barton loves four things: his purple-and-black hunting bow, Natasha 'Eats Shrapnel For Breakfast' Romanoff, pizza, and **_Hawked_** , his kickass, awesome bar.

Three years ago, when announcing he was buying a bar, Steve had given him a disappointed look. Tony asked if half-off best friend discounts would be a thing. Natasha had quit her 'secretary' job and declared herself his bartender.

When Hawked's doors had opened four months later, the whole gang had practically moved in. It became sacred, traditional ground.

Which is why when Steve's childhood best friend moves to town, and Steve wants to introduce him to everyone, the whole gang, as a collective entity, turn to him.

Clint sighs.

"If you fuckers break something, you're paying for it."

** xxxxxxxxxx **

Nat's gotten out the Good Stuff by the time Steve and his Best Friend of All Time show up, which is why, when Clint catches sight of James Barnes for the first time, his mouth sort of falls open and, "Oh, hot **_damn_**."

Tony snorts into his overly-full glass of Scotch. "I think you're drooling a bit there, Barton."

"Fuck you, who was the one who propositioned Steve for the best lay of his life as soon as he met him?"

"It paid off," Tony smirks as they watch Steve and James - Bucky, Steve had said he preferred to be called - make their rounds around the group.

"No details!" Clint turns back around to beg Nat for another refill, which she has ready as she grins at him, all dangerous. "Oh, I know that look. Nat, platonic love of my life, please don't-"

"James," She says, looking over his shoulder. Clint swallows and turns around to face the music.

"Natasha," Bucky nods.

"You two know each other?" Steve blinks, looking thoroughly confused. Tony makes a little noise, and the blonde's face instantly drops into exasperated fondness, all aimed at the billionaire.

"Russia," The two chorus, and that's apparently it, because Natasha then reaches across the bar to push at Clint's shoulder. "Try to be a functioning, polite member of society, and introduce yourself."

"Clint, Barton. Welcome to **_Hawked_** ," He offers to all 6' of dark, hunky, gorgeousness that is Steve's best friend, including the metal prosthetic hand that could probably -

_Bad Clint, think with your upstairs brain for like once in your life._

"Nice to meet you," Bucky smiles, and Clint clutches a little tighter at his glass. "Steve tells me this is your place?"

"Yeah," The dirty-blonde pats at the varnished wood of the bar top. "Not that he approved."

Bucky grins, flashing white-white teeth. "That sounds like Stevie."

"I'm right here!" The artist complains.

"Yeah you are," Tony leers, and Clint can't help the snicker that escapes.

"Weak, Stark, weak."

Natasha slides full glasses across the bar top. "Stop being five year olds and drink up, already."

"Don't have to tell me twice," Tony says, and promptly tries to hold and drink out of three glasses at once.

** xxxxxxxxxx **

"Hey," Steve finds him an hour later, when Bucky and Tony are occupied trying to team-tag drink Thor and Nat under the table (Clint wishes them the best of luck). "Thanks for this. He needed...well, after he got discharged from service, and his arm, he kinda holed up for like a year and I...it's good to see him out."

Clint files that bit of information about Bucky being military away to the fantasy part of his brain. "Steven. **_Steven_**. If you had shown us a picture, this would've happened a lot sooner."

Steve furrows his brows. "What are you talking about?"

Clint, with more alcohol in him then he could keep track of (well, he could, but what was the fun in that?), groans. "Jesus Christ, Rogers, have you looked at him?"

"...Yes?" Steve ventures, glancing back and forth between Bucky (currently emptying a bottle of vodka) and Clint.

"He's hot. Hotter then you. I didn't know that was possible, but god damn, I would tap all of that gorgeous hunk of a man in a second flat."

Steve wrinkles his nose. "Ew, Clint. That's basically my brother you're talking about."

"Steve, I'm sorry, but your ass has nothing on the entirety of Bucky," Clint shrugs, and reaches over the bar to grab a beer.

"You're drunk."

"I'm only drunk when I start slurring my words!" Clint grins. "Do you think he'd be receptive to my sultry seduction?"

Okay, he's a **_little_** drunk.

** xxxxxxxxxx **

"Natasha," Clint groans the next morning. "It is **_six am_**. Why are you calling me."

" _James, huh?_ "

"I'm going to murder Steve," He mumbles into his pillow.

" _Hey, I know the appeal. James is very pretty. So...you going to do anything about it?_ "

" ** _Natasha_**." Clint refuses to have this conversation at six-oh-eight on a Saturday morning meant for sleeping away his hangover.

" _I'm just saying, it's been a while, and you two seemed to get on last night..._ "

"We talked for, like, ten minutes."

" _So? That date you had, what, four years ago, ended five minutes into dinner._ "

"...she wouldn't stop talking about skunks," Clint sighs.

" _And your ten minutes with James was much more pleasant._ "

"He has a nice ass," Clint says in half-agreement. "And those biceps. The bicep. Fuck. I mean, the metal arm is kind of really sexy and-"

" _Exactly_ ," He can practically hear the smirk on Natasha's face as she cuts him off. " _So, are you going to make a move, or be a little chicken shit?_ "

"I fucking hate you **_so much_**."

" _See you at the bar later, loverboy_ ," She replies, and hangs up.

** xxxxxxxxxx **

At the much more respectable hour of two pm, his phone vibrates.

**Unknown Number  
This is Bucky. Steve gave me your number. Just wanted to say thanks for last night.**

Clint resists the urge to text back something dirty. He's not that awful, voice-in-his-head-that-sounds-like-Natasha.

**Clint  
bro dont sweat it. all cool. the group monopolized my bar as soon as I opened it so nbd happy to please. never have a choice between the demand for alcohol filled hang outs and steves puppy dog eyes**

He's getting dressed for post-hangover dinner pancakes when his phone buzzes again.

**Bucky  
I know what you mean. They're a certified weapon**

Clint grins, obnoxious purple sunglasses settling on the bridge of his nose.

**Clint  
he could probably use them to solve world peace**

**Bucky  
And world hunger**

** xxxxxxxxxx **

Steve brings Bucky to Tequila Tuesday at **_Hawked_** , and Clint grins broadly when he sees them walk up.

"What's up Terminator!"

"Birdbrain," Bucky smirks, and Clint's legs do not buckle at all under him. Nope.

"It's good to see you two so friendly," Steve says in his best Dad voice.

"You gave me his number," Bucky nudges his best friend carefully with the prosthetic. Clint tries desperately not to think his dirty thoughts loudly enough for Natasha to hear (she's psychic, he doesn't care what science says).

"Well, yeah, but it's only been a few days," Steve points out.

"Steven, Mr. Dorito, I'm a fast worker, you know that," Clint says, and Bucky nearly chokes on his first tequila shot of the night.

"Did you just call him **_Mr. Dorito_**?" Bucky coughs.

"Well, yeah, I mean," Clint gestures with his hands. "That shoulder-hip ratio though."

"Oh my god," Bucky wheezes as Steve goes bright red. "That is the **_best thing_** I've **_ever heard_**."

"Shut up, jerk!" Steve huffs, and stamps off to go consume alcohol and probably get a comfort blowjob from Tony, or something.

Bucky is still cackling, and Clint joins in, lining six shots up in front of them on the bar.

"C'mon, Terminator. It's Tequila Tuesday. Time to get cracking."

** xxxxxxxxxx **

Two hours later, they're in front of the darts board, two-thirds sloshed each, trying to outdo each other like toddlers.

Nat's words, not his. They've apparently de-matured in the past four days. It's not exactly a farfetched concept.

"Dude," Bucky lets the word kind of drip out of his mouth, and Clint laser-focuses on those lips, totally enamored. "I know I said -" He waves his flesh hand. "But, again."

"I don't know what you just said," Clint admits after a long pause, and Bucky snorts.

"Thanks."

"Oh, dude! Anything for a fellow darts champion," He accidentally claps his hand on Bucky's metal arm, and yells, "FUCKER!"

The brunette just giggles at him for a long, long, long time.

** xxxxxxxxxx **

**Nat  
Twice you've been thoroughly drunk in his presence and still haven't made a move.**

**Nat  
I'm disappointed in you.**

**Clint  
but im tryin to b a normal nice human bean?**

**Nat  
But you're not.**

**Clint  
touche**

**Nat  
Also, are you still drunk?**

**Clint  
...mayb**

** xxxxxxxxxx **

"So what's the deal with the name?" Bucky asks a week later. It's a Thursday, and Nat's the only other member of the group in the bar, training the newest recruit, a stick-thin college photography major.

Clint's kinda really butterfly-happy Bucky is in his bar when Steve isn't.

"The name?" Clint repeats dumbly. He wants to give his full attention to Bucky, but fucking paperwork.

"Of the bar, birdbrain," The brunette snorts.

"Oh. It's a thing."

"It's not a thing," Nat says as she passes by. She's gathered another duckling, female this time, busty af. Clint briefly wonders where she came from, then turns back to Bucky.

"It's a thing," He repeats. Bucky looks amused. "Like, you know, _c'mon, we're gonna get hawked_."

Bucky stares at him.

Clint stares back.

"Natasha's right. That's not a thing."

"It's totally a thing!" Clint protests, grumbles, and turns back to his paperwork.

"It's okay, Clint," Bucky pats him on the back. "You may be delusional, but you're our delusional."

"I don't want him," Nat says as she passes by again.

Clint flips her off, just to save face.

** xxxxxxxxxx **

**Bucky  
Hey, Steve and I were going to go see The Jungle Book. He ditched me for Stark. Go with me instead?**

**Clint  
you fuckers and your fucking disney addiction**

**Clint  
what time**

** xxxxxxxxxx **

"You and James went on a date," Nat says when he shows up to the bar, a small smirk on her face.

"It was not a date. Steve bailed on a bro outing, Bucky asked if I wanted to fill in instead."

"Mmmm-hmmmmmm."

" ** _It wasn't a date, Natasha!_** "

"If you say so," The redhead says as she polishes glasses.

"It wasn't a date."

"You're being awfully defensive," Nat points out.

"...shut up, Natasha."

** xxxxxxxxxx **

**Bucky  
I just spent one of my few afternoons off watching dog videos. This is all your fault, Barton.**

**Clint  
BREAKING NEWS: THE BADASS ENGINEER CRACKS UNDER ONSLAUGHT OF CUTE DOG VIDS**

**Bucky  
You're such an asshole, why do I even like you?**

** xxxxxxxxxx **

" ** _Natasha_**."

" _Clinton_."

"He just texted me and said he liked me!"

Nat rolls her eyes. "Who, James?"

"Yes!"

"I told you it was a date."

"It wasn't a date," Clint repeats for the fiftieth time.

She just raises an eyebrow.

"...oh god, what do I even say back?"

"Who are you even right now, Sam's niece?"

"TAKE THAT BACK!"

"Fine. Emma's too mature, anyways."

** xxxxxxxxxx **

**Clint  
its my charismatic personality  & my ass. aint no 1 can resist**

**Bucky  
Actually, I'm pretty sure it's the fact you own a bar and I get discounted drinks.**

**Clint  
i c how it is. fine. i'm revoking ur chili fries privileges**

**Bucky  
I was just kidding. You have the best ass in the city. :)**

**Clint** **  
fite me > . <**

** xxxxxxxxxx **

"So, you and Bucky?" Steve says.

They're standing in line at SHIELD Coffee at ass o'crack in the morning because Steve and Wanda have one of their stupid art things today (they're not stupid. It's just before ten and Clint hasn't had coffee) and everyone requires caffeine to properly function - besides Steve, of course, who somehow manages to be a smiley productive member of society and get up at five a.m. every fucking day for a two hour run.

Fucking Steve.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Clint says, even as his phone buzzes and Bucky declares through text **HURRY THE FUCK UP WITH THE COFFEE, BIRDBRAIN**.

Clint sends back a middle finger emoji.

Steve raises an eyebrow. "You don't know what I'm talking about," He repeats, slowly, in a patronizing voice.

Fucking **_Steve_**. It's seven-fifteen and Clint hasn't had coffee yet. Fucking fucker.

"We are not dating," Clint hisses through his teeth. "I am trying to be a normal friend to your ridiculously hot best friend! What is wrong with that?"

Steve just gives him The Look. "Nothing about you is normal?"

"Ha ha," The dirty blonde pouts, and rattles off the ginormous coffee order to the petite brunette behind the counter - her nametag reads _DAISY_. "Look, Steve, just leave it."

"But-"

" ** _Steve_**."

"Fine," The artist relents. "But I still think you should ask him about the movie."

Clint grins at him, all sharp. "And since when have I ever listened to any of your advice?"

Steve sighs.

** xxxxxxxxxx **

**Bucky  
WHERE'S MY COFFEE MERIDA**

**Clint  
IT HASNT EVEN BEEN 10 MINUTES LEAVE ME ALONE**

** xxxxxxxxxx **

"That one looks like a dildo," Bucky says two hours later.

Clint and Tony burst into immediate cackling, earning dirty (ha) looks from the crowd around them, Steve, and Bruce.

Wanda's got a half-smile on her lips while Thor just blinks, turns to look at the sculpture.

"IT DOES INDEED LOOK LIKE A DILDO," He booms after a pause, and Clint has to lean against Bucky with how hard he's laughing.

"I'm crying," Tony wheezes, grabbing at Steve's sides.

"You are all so immature," Nat says, but she also looks amused.

"It's a dildo," Clint chokes, and Bucky chuckles, patting at his back.

** xxxxxxxxxx **

"I can't believe all of you today," Steve starts, full-on charging into lecture mode.

Clint groans and thunks his head down on the bartop. "Cyborg started it."

"Dammit, Birdbrain, I thought we had something special," Bucky drawls. "Throwing me under the bus already?"

"Every man for them self," Clint replies seriously, and then snickers.

Bucky grins wide at him, ignoring Steve trying to be Thoroughly Disappointed at them (and Tony, but Clint bets Tony will have Steve distracted within five minutes.

Clint's heart skips a beat at that smile.

"All those texts...the nights spent drinking and playing darts...they meant nothing?" Bucky says, wiping away an imaginary tear.

Clint sighs, mock-dramatically. "The only thing I love more then you is saving my own hide, Barnes," He winks at the brunette.

Bucky laughs, looks at Steve, looks back. "You wanna go get burgers?"

"From The Playground?"

"Where else?" Bucky says.

"You're paying," Clint replies, grabs his coat, and bolts out of the bar before Steve can stop him, Bucky on his heels.

** xxxxxxxxxx **

They slide into a circular both and Clint immediately sprawls out, propping his feet up on the cushion across from him.

Bucky rolls his eyes and shoves at his feet. "Be a polite food partner, Merida."

"I'm not a polite anything," Clint retorts, flipping the menu open even though his mind is happily chanting _burgers burgers burgers burgers with Bucky burgers burgers burgers_. "Unless we're talking about sex. Making sure your partner comes is very important."

Bucky guffaws as the old grandparent couple two tables over glares at them. "Geez, Barton, so all I have to do to get you to be nice to me is take you bed?"

"I have to be wined and dined, Barnes. I'm no easy gal, you know."

"I thought that's what we were doing. I am paying, after all."

Clint stops. Looks up from the menu.

Bucky's smiling, relaxed and easy.

"Terminator, you fucking dick."

"But a gorgeous, handsome, hunky dick?" Bucky's mouth tugs up into a smirk.

Clint stares at him. "Who told y-"

 ** _Fucking Steve_**.

"I'm going to kill him," Clint declares, and faceplants onto the table. "That fucker destroyed my drunken trust. I refuse to serve him food anymore."

Bucky nudges Clint's head with his hand. "Clint."

"Shut up Barnes. I'm drowning in treachery and misery here."

There's a pause.

"The Jungle Book was a date."

Clint's head shoots up. "Are you fucking with me, Terminator?"

"No, but I'd like to be," Bucky winks.

Clint cackles - he can't help himself. "You fucker," He says, and nearly launches himself across the table to kiss the stupid, pretty, gorgeous man sitting across from him.

Bucky catches him, and grins when they part, lips kiss-swollen. "Wanna go steady?"

"Yes, idiot."

Clinton Francis Barton is thirty-two and he loves five things: his purple-and-black hunting bow, Natasha 'Eats Shrapnel for Breakfast' Romanoff, pizza, his bar **_Hawked_** , and James Buchanan Barnes.

**_ ~fin _ **

**Author's Note:**

> The text that started it all:  
> Clint Birb Barton: Stebe u did n o t tell me your best bromie was so hawt, damn  
> Steve Freedom Rogers: Clint pls do not seduce my friend and wht r u even talking about  
> Clint: DO YOU NOT HAVE EYES, STEVEN. FORGET YOUR ASS HE'S THE WHOLE PACKAGE  
> Steve: c l i n t that is basically my brother you're talking about  
> Clint: I need to lick his abs, Steve. For science
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
